Conflict could be disagreement, dissatisfaction, dispute or an uncomfortable feeling that something is not right.
If two or more people are together, each with his/her choices, values and views, there will be conflict. The more inflexible one is, the more the number of conflicts.
Is conflict good or bad? Actually, conflict is good, provided it is managed and brought to a logical conclusion that works for both parties. Conflict resolves unsatisfactory issues, corrects situations and brings about changes that are welcome.
Since conflict is accepted as part and parcel of life, here are a few tips to help understand the TIP concept, so that the end result is a peaceful situation for everyone involved.
‘T’ is for greater “Tolerance”. Everyone operates from a different ‘position’ : education, family background, values, attitudes, personality traits, culture and manners – all influence how a person reacts.
This understanding helps us recognise that we tend to project our expectations on the other people. This only adds fuel to the fire. Accept that it is impossible to control other people; we can control only ourselves.
Stop expecting the other person to be perfect. We have as many failings as the person we look at. So we must be open minded and tell ourselves that everyone is different and that we have to be tolerant.
‘I’ is for being “Issue-Centric” and not person-centric.
That means seeking to understand and looking only at what is happening now. Answer these questions honestly:
Do you get emotionally involved in conflicts?
Are you consciously aware of your personal dislikes, prejudices, about the person you are having a conflict with?
Has it concluded your thinking?
Do you rake up past issues?
Stay issue-centric, don’t waver, however tempting it might be.
‘P’ is for “Positive Mental Attitude”.
We tend to take conflict as a challenge because it threatens our value systems, beliefs, actions and authority. We go to great lengths to establish that we are “right”. Our mind tends to think: “If I am right, then you have to be wrong, and if only you would stop talking and just listen to me”!
Two things happen while in conflict. We put ourselves down for not being able to handle the situation or we become very critical of the other person, and tend to become verbally negative in order to protect our self-esteem.
The positive mental messages to be used are: My worth does not depend on being perfect. My worth does not depend on being right. What can I learn from this situation? I am valuable, competent and capable. This too will pass and the sun will still rise tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is another day.
If two or more people are together, each with his/her choices, values and views, there will be conflict. The more inflexible one is, the more the number of conflicts.
Is conflict good or bad? Actually, conflict is good, provided it is managed and brought to a logical conclusion that works for both parties. Conflict resolves unsatisfactory issues, corrects situations and brings about changes that are welcome.
Since conflict is accepted as part and parcel of life, here are a few tips to help understand the TIP concept, so that the end result is a peaceful situation for everyone involved.
‘T’ is for greater “Tolerance”. Everyone operates from a different ‘position’ : education, family background, values, attitudes, personality traits, culture and manners – all influence how a person reacts.
This understanding helps us recognise that we tend to project our expectations on the other people. This only adds fuel to the fire. Accept that it is impossible to control other people; we can control only ourselves.
Stop expecting the other person to be perfect. We have as many failings as the person we look at. So we must be open minded and tell ourselves that everyone is different and that we have to be tolerant.
‘I’ is for being “Issue-Centric” and not person-centric.
That means seeking to understand and looking only at what is happening now. Answer these questions honestly:
Do you get emotionally involved in conflicts?
Are you consciously aware of your personal dislikes, prejudices, about the person you are having a conflict with?
Has it concluded your thinking?
Do you rake up past issues?
Stay issue-centric, don’t waver, however tempting it might be.
‘P’ is for “Positive Mental Attitude”.
We tend to take conflict as a challenge because it threatens our value systems, beliefs, actions and authority. We go to great lengths to establish that we are “right”. Our mind tends to think: “If I am right, then you have to be wrong, and if only you would stop talking and just listen to me”!
Two things happen while in conflict. We put ourselves down for not being able to handle the situation or we become very critical of the other person, and tend to become verbally negative in order to protect our self-esteem.
The positive mental messages to be used are: My worth does not depend on being perfect. My worth does not depend on being right. What can I learn from this situation? I am valuable, competent and capable. This too will pass and the sun will still rise tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is another day.
